So the whole episode of Tiwa Savage's hubby Tee Billz being suicidal has finally pushed me to writing about this depression issue. I know I may have hinted in a few posts that I am currently battling with depression. Matter of fact, I have been having issues with it since May 2nd 2015. Yeah, bad enough for me to realize the day it started.
Unfortunately, if you are a Nigerian, you will understand that our "culture" has not yet identified and understood this monster called depression as a big deal; hence very few cases of proper evaluation and medical attention.
I can tell you first hand that it is not even a joking sturvs. it is real and causes people to think about ending their lives daily. I have tried to manage my predicament over the past year by myself since trying to handle it medically is either a myth in Nigeria or an enemy to my pocket. I have then decide to share a few of the ways I adopted and I sincerely hope it would help somebody out there somehow.
- Express your hurt: This is usually my first go to. Channel out the frustration through your most convenient means. Crying, writing, singing, punching a wall or breaking something(please make sure what you are breaking is ya own and is of inconsequential value oo) drawing, talking to yourself, pacing etc. Trust me, most of my most precious and creative works were love children of depression. The only expression not accepted are the ones that would hurt you or someone else physically. No thinking of slitting of wrists or body parts or another human being or thinking of jumping off a bridge. Life is worth living my dear friend.
- Keep the bad thoughts as just thoughts: I know what I am writing is the hardest way to deal with what you are feeling. I know first hand that it is easier written than done but you will get by. Trust me on this one. So when you think of taking your own life, let it live and die as a thought. Fight the urge to take action on negative things that pop up in your head. The regret that comes with the bad actions will hurt you more than what you are going through... And when the bad thoughts go, hang on to the good ones like your life depends on it.
- Give time the chance to heal you: This will be the hardest phrase to digest because for you right now, time is a pregnant snail with a limp. Don't worry. The most important thing is that it is moving and one day...maybe not today or tomorrow but one day, it will all be a thing of the past.Time heals every and anything. Whenever it seems like there is nothing to hold on to, you are probably wrong. There is definitely a phase in the future that will feel much better than right now. so keep these words in your heart. This.Too.Shall.Pass.
- Find a confidant: Some levels of depression make you feel like if you open up your struggles to people, they might taunt you, might not understand you, might misinterpret your emotions or even make light of your situation. Your fear is valid but believe me, one of the best ways to heal is to share how you feel in details with someone who will handle your emotions like it really is:fragile. The best people to bare your issues to are those who have either been through what you are currently going through and have come out on the sunny side or those who through a tested commitment of friendship will be there for you no matter what. Find someone who even when you have not yet opened your lips to speak, already understands that what you need is a hug and assurance and not judgement.
- Weigh the issue without bias: Although I know some people's depression are caused by really horrible things, some depressions too are caused by the flimsiest of things. I will not enumerate instances because what may be coal to me is someone else's diamond. I do have a standard measurement question that you can ask though. " Will it matter in 1 year?" Trust me, anything that will not matter in the next few months or years should be allocated the most minimal mourning period. You will be just fine.
- Indulge: Indulge responsibly,positively and constructively with regards to hobbies, habits and food. Emphasis on "responsibly,positively and constructively" o before you look like a round ball and say it is Cynthia that said you should eat your sorrows away lol. Jokes apart, go crazy once in a while like doing stuff that will make you not feel your face. Drink a little if alcohol is your thing. Dance a lottle lol if there is any word like that. Indulgence can be the fast forward button on time's remote control.
- Forgive: Some depressions leave us feeling a certain way towards someone or something that we feel may have contributed greatly to how we feel. Sometimes too, this person is us. It is totally healthy to be mad and to boil and feel like you will never stand the sight of this person or thing ever again. My question is, how long? How long will you give someone the right to make you feel bad? How long will you beat yourself up for being human; no matter how grave the mistake you made is or was? At some point, let it go. I know this sounds like the hardest thing ever to do but the jailer is just as caged as the prisoner so release whoever or whatever from your spirit and mental space. You will be surprised at what beautiful things life can throw at you to fill that space up.
- Pray: I may have not exhausted all the possible ways to manage depression but if I did 100 more posts about it, this bullet point will be the recurrent one. Pray... to whoever you believe in...Jesus, Mohammed or Justin Timberlake. Just pray. There are so many things we may never understand but prayer has evidently helped millions of people. Me inclusive. Don't get me wrong;8 times out of 10 I am probably fighting with God but you see the remaining 2 times that I am not, He gets me completely and forgives me for all those 8 times. Even if He is not acting instantly and drawing you out of the abyss of negative emotions, He is listening and plotting a way for you to make it out.
I hope this helps. I pray that you heal wholly, completely and that one day you will absorb the essence of a sunny day on a depression free mind.
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